I wanted to cry.
Staring at the camera with a silly grin was a 30-something double-chinned, pale-looking man who needed a haircut.
The man in the photos was unrecognisable from the lean, athletic person he used to be. The person who once was confident, fit and healthy. A man who loved to socialise and play sport, but now hid at home most of the time.
Gone was the person who was unwaveringly upbeat about life – about opportunities. The man in the photo was a complainer. A moaner. The type of person I can’t stand to be around these days and tend to stay away from.
The person in the photo was me. I felt fucking embarrassed. I felt sorry for myself. The sad thing was that neither emotion would do me any good unless I did something about it.
It felt like rock bottom at that point.
The very next day, I consciously decided to start making changes. That decision was the most difficult step.
I didn’t know what to do – I just knew I had to start somewhere.
Fast forward nearly ten years, I’m unrecognisable from the person in the photo. Both physically and mentally. The journey wasn’t easy and it took a long time. I suspect I’ll probably never reach the point where I’m 100% comfortable with how I am.
The point is, I’m in a much better place than I was back then. I’ll take that.
Here is how I moved my life in the right direction
I Started Moving and Stopped Eating Crap
The number staring at me on the scales scared me.
You pathetic human I thought of myself. Sort your shit out. It was another line in the sand moment.
My day would start with two cups of coffee and two cigarettes for breakfast. Meat pies, toasted sandwiches and late-night dinners with cheap red wine would be on the menu for the rest of the day.
Inspiring stuff huh?
My exercise regime was zero unless you count mowing the lawns once a fortnight. I used to drive the ten-minute walk to work. My dogs would jump in the car and I would take them for a swim somewhere instead of walking them.
I shouldn’t have been surprised at my condition. It was the result of years of neglect.
The diet changed overnight. Nothing complicated. I just ate fewer calories than I consumed. Swapping the convenience of oven food for fresh meats and vegetables was a no-brainer. The sweets and late-night ice cream were off the menu too.
It wasn’t easy, but you do adapt quicker than you think. My reward for sticking to it was a takeaway on Friday night. The takeaway began to lose its appeal after a few weeks as my body got used to decent food.
I started sleeping better and my mind became clearer. Within a week or two, I felt like a different person as a mixture of early nights and eating food that wasn’t in a packet had me feeling the best I had in years.
Moving my body came next. I picked up a cheap rowing machine, some free weights and a bench. With zero experience with any planned exercise, I googled all sorts of workouts that promised you would look like Wolverine after six weeks. Wolverine didn’t appear, but I noticed changes almost straight away
My diet and moving my body (in that order) was the first step in a very long list of changes I progressively made over the next few years.
Remove Bad Habits (and make good ones)
Unpopular opinion: I loved smoking.
Sharing a cigarette with a friend was my social fix. Unfortunately, it was a crutch. So was the drink.
As a single father for several years, money was tight. If I was going to get out of the rut I was in, these two vices were the ones that had flashing red lights.
I went tee-total on the booze for two months. It was easier than I thought. For an extra challenge, I stopped smoking at the same time. I don’t know a single person who has quit smoking who found it easy, but as soon as you break a routine, in time, your habits change.
Eating a decent breakfast instead of having a cup of coffee and a cigarette in the morning helped break that habit. Going for a walk or exercising in the evening became the norm. Doing this instead of sitting down with a beer or wine in front of the TV was an easy swap.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a total unsociable scrooge these days – I still love a beer. I’ll never be one to swear on any form of total abstinence. The key, like with anything, is moderation. That counts for potato chips too.
What I learned through this period is your habits are down to your repeated actions. The things you do without thinking. The moment you stop and consider how you spend your time (and money) opens up a whole new world.
By making conscious decisions instead of being on auto-pilot, you will be surprised by how many changes you might make.
The moment you start replacing bad habits with good ones, your mindset has a titanic shift. It is like your brain wakes up and starts working with you than against you.
Good habits are addictive – get on board before your body gives up on you.
Travel the World
‘Want to go to Vanuatu? Boys trip – let me know.’
Adventure was calling. The text from a mate in Australia sent my dopamine levels through the roof like they hadn’t in years. I hadn’t been on a trip for a long time.
For years, my life had been about travel and new experiences. It became my lifestyle.
Then life happened. I was cool with that. The problem was when I got that text message, I realised my life had gone too far the other way.
The trouble was I had no money. A familiar feeling through this time in my life. In the end, I put it on my credit card and figured it would work itself out.
The easy option was to say no. Some would say sensible. But I knew I had to go. If I was going to recapture even a small part of my life, with some of my best friends, then I had to take the opportunity.
Immediately after booking it, I came into some unexpected cash.
As Paulo Coelho said in ‘The Alchemist’: ‘
When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it.’
The trip itself flew by. I had a good time, but the most important thing was it relit that spark of adventure inside me. The travel bug that lay dormant for so many years quickly took hold again.
There is no cure for the travel bug. It infects you and doesn’t go away – no matter how hard you try.
Next came Vietnam and Thailand within a year. New experiences. New adventures.
This period of my life was evidence that by breaking your routine, even taking a risk or two, you can be inspired through experiences to live a more fulfilling life – no matter what your situation.
Quit Your Job if it Makes You Unhappy
Routine is the enemy of progress.
Waking up to a world of routine, knowing almost exactly what the day has in store for you is one of the most unmotivating mindsets you can live in. I know – I lived it for years.
If not managed correctly, your mind goes into a sort of sleep mode. Dealing with the same daily tasks rarely helps us progress in our lives in any meaningful way.
The paradox is that most of us need a degree of routine to survive and pay the mortgage every week. Smart people make a balance.
For many years I had a job like this. The people were mostly fine, but the unrelenting routine of the job was not. I talked for years about quitting, but never took any action. I always made pointless excuses.
The only thing that pushed me to quit my job was a new relationship. It was the one thing I wasn’t prepared to sacrifice to keep my world of routine in place.
When I quit, I felt the weight of years of procrastination lift off my shoulders. I felt like I had made a positive decision to change instead of letting life and its responsibilities control me.
Quitting isn’t that hard, but change can be.
Change brings uncertainty and takes us out of our comfort zone. By embracing change, instead of making excuses to keep the status quo, change brings so many wonderful possibilities.
Become a Learner
Starting a constant learning habit has been the quickest shortcut to a better mindset.
Re-engaging my brain has woken up pathways that I had long forgotten about. Like good habits, learning has a compounding effect.
The more you learn, the more you become curious about other things – learning is addictive.
My school brain would think I’m a lunatic for talking like this but hear me out.
Every time I learned something, it encouraged me to learn more. You never know where it might lead you. You just have to get off Netflix and your phone to find out.
In the last few years, for the price of a week’s rent, I have gained foundational learning in the following:
- Digital & Social Media Marketing
- Search Engine Optimisation
- Learned Two Languages
- Multiple Writing Courses
- Website Design and Development
I’ll never work in all of those fields. But from what I have learned so far, I’ve been able to build my website, post this stuff online (and get seen) and gained confidence in my abilities to try new things.
There has never been a better, more accessible opportunity to learn a new skill than now.
In the not-too-distant past, you had to go to university or do some form of expensive study after school to get a good job.
Those times are over.
Education is still vital for the development of basic skills as a child. It’s still important to be able to spell and count. But, as an adult, unless you want to enter (very) specific fields, you can learn about pretty much anything online – for a fraction of the cost (or even free).
Don’t be like I was and stay in a job you don’t enjoy any longer than you have to. We all have interests and things we enjoy doing.
We all have a unique skill set to share with the world. The closer you can align your interests and skill sets, you are on your way to a brighter future.
The least you can do is try out a course to see if it is worth your time.
Here is a taster of some sites I have used over the years that have helped me upskill.
Create a Reading Habit
‘The man who doesn’t read has no advantage over the man who cannot read’. – Mark Twain.
Mark Twain was right. You know he is right. So, why don’t we read more?
I didn’t read a book for over a decade. In the same decade, social media was born. That decade coincided with my worst years. Coincidence? I think not.
Facebook does not count as reading. Neither does Instagram or other click-baiting sites you read on the toilet.
Don’t get me wrong – I love social media. I love scrolling my Twitter and Instagram feeds and the content it gives me. The difference is that social media is mainly entertainment, with a dash of inspiration and anger thrown in for a balance.
Reading books is a journey. It is an exercise in patience and personal discovery.
As a child, I loved reading. I was in the library once a week, walking out with a handful of books under my arms. Then, and I suspect this has happened to a lot of you, it stopped.
‘I’m too busy to read’ or ‘I don’t have time’ are all excuses I have heard (and used).
No one is too busy to read. No one is too busy to do anything. We all have time. What we don’t have time for is simply a lower priority.
How will you have time for productive habits with all that scrolling to contend with when you are lying in your bed at night?
The moment I swapped out my phone for ten minutes with a book in bed before going to sleep, I never went back.
Since re-starting my reading habit, my learning, productivity and self-esteem have increased ten-fold. It doesn’t even have to be heavy stuff, just something that takes you away from the world (and screens) for a while.
If starting a reading habit helped me, I know for certain it can put you on a better path too.
Social Media is Fun (But Needs to be Used Correctly)
Can you imagine a world without Social Media? Nah, me neither.
Social media has been the biggest technological influence the world has seen in the last twenty years.
Social media is fun. But dangerous if you use it the wrong way. The lure of the scroll and the dopamine hit of the like affects everyone. Hours wasted down Tiktok and Instagram wormholes are part of our daily lives for many of us.
It has become the ultimate timewaster.
A recommendation from master podcaster and entrepreneur Steven Bartlett changed my Social Media habits for good. He suggests that every time someone (or something) negatively triggers you, delete or hide them from your timeline immediately.
It doesn’t end there.
Instead, replace them with something positive. Someone or something that makes you feel good. It can be anyone or anything (even funny dog pic accounts).
This is the one area in your life you can choose to reduce negativity and promote positivity immediately.
The algorithms are designed to give us what we want. Use them to your benefit. My timeline is now usually a positive experience.
Another thing was about two years ago, I reset the home screen on my phone to make it as time-wasting proof as I could. By removing social media shortcuts from my home screen, they were replaced with practical applications (like Google Maps etc) or my learning apps. I replaced Instagram with Duolingo. I replaced Facebook with my running app.
Boring, but so, so effective.
My socials are still there – they are just two swipes and a click away from using them. Instead, when I get my phone out to pass some time, I’m inclined to do a five-minute Italian lesson instead of scrolling through Instagram.
Your phone is the most sacred of all technologies. Most of us worship our phones more than anything else in our possession.
Make your phone work for you – not against you.
Stop Watching the News
When you stop watching the news, life gets way less complicated.
Ah, the 6pm news. The sacred time of the evening when you could watch the television with Mum and Dad and get an impartial, unbiased update on what happened in the world that day.
Sorry to say, those times are long gone.
Since the explosion of online news outlets and 24-hour television, our news is no longer the trusted source of the day’s affairs. The news is now produced in a way that it needs to compete with other forms of entertainment (hello phone) to get your eyeballs.
The news used to be boring for a reason. It was the reality of the day. Reality is boring most of the time.
If we are honest with what we really care about and how it affects us personally, there isn’t much going on. There is way more interesting stuff on Instagram.
Now the news is full of drama and intrigue. Triggering stories about the new world order and the latest political backstabbing. The news today rarely leaves us feeling better about the world.
Everything we see is now produced to get your attention and keep you there. That’s all.
You can avoid this unnecessary and avoidable anxiety in your life by switching off.
That means deleting news apps off your phone too. When this happens, you switch your attention to something else. It doesn’t mean getting off your phone either. (Remember I’m not a total abstinence scrooge).
For me, it was my language apps, listening to a podcast, reading or even, wait for this, engaging in a conversation with someone instead of being triggered by the latest political story.
Trust me, if something important goes down you need to hear about, you will hear about it.
Probably from the person next to you.
Start Writing (Any Form of Writing)
My English Teacher accused me of plagiarism when I was 16.
What a dick Mr C was.
Our class was tasked with writing a book review. Easy peezy. I got to work quickly, reviewing the autobiography of Sir Richard Hadlee, a New Zealand cricket player.
I did it quite quickly and was happy with my work. I handed it in a week later, shortly after Mr C asked to speak with me. I looked forward to some (hopefully) positive feedback.
‘Who wrote this?’ he glared at me with his silver moustache twitching.
‘Uh, me.’
‘Who wrote this, Marc?’ I noticed he hadn’t blinked at all.
‘Me’ I glared back at him.
A few moments of denial and accusation followed before an uneasy truce followed. He probably still thinks I stole the words from somewhere. It doesn’t matter. The work was my own.
I’m not saying my words were great, but it was enough for a sixth-form teacher to accuse me of plagiarism which weirdly, was a form of praise.
Writing was always something I enjoyed. It was the one area of study at school I never found a chore and still do now. Hence this writing blog.
I can lose myself for hours and do most days. I’ll happily delete it all and start again too.
At this stage, my writing has opened paths to me I never thought possible. It has given me connections all over the globe that expand with every article I post.
My writing journey started with journaling a couple of years ago. My journal was a place of solitude and honesty. It started with random thoughts and ramblings. It became a daily habit.
Eventually, I started to gain clarity in my thoughts and started to understand myself better. The blank piece of paper in front of me every day became a confession. Good and bad.
The power of pen and paper can’t be underestimated. It led to publishing my book in 2021 and what you are reading now.
If you need a single tool that you can do right now to improve your well-being, start writing. Anywhere. On anything.
Stop Caring What Other People Think
Put your ego to one side right now.
People don’t think about you anywhere near as much as you think they do. Maybe your Mum does a bit, but even then, not that much.
Everyone has their own crap going on. Just as much as you do, so don’t worry so much about what others think.
The great Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius put things in perspective a couple of thousand years ago when he said:
‘It never ceases to amaze me: we all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about other people’s opinions than our own.’
I’ve been guilty of this more times than I care to imagine. We all have. A little perspective when you are concerned about how you are portrayed by others goes a long way.
We are all human. We all have feelings and want to be liked, loved and respected. That’s normal.
The moment I stopped caring what other people think about me and gave my attention to something else, my self-esteem increased overnight.
Life is About Choices - Be Brave
Three years ago, I quit my job, sold pretty much everything and travelled the world for a year.
That was a pretty outrageous decision by most social metrics. But it was the best decision I have ever made.
For so long, I felt trapped. I would look in the mirror most mornings and feel like screaming. On the outside, it was all rosy. On the inside, it was far from that.
I was not depressed. If I went down that path, it would be disrespectful to those whose lives are impacted so severely by this disease. I was just feeling lost with no obvious path to the fulfilling life that I desired so much. My moods were affecting my relationship, my work and my social life.
The result was to have a clean break. Reset in almost every way possible. Reflecting on that time now, if I hadn’t, there would be a good chance I would have lost my family and home anyway.
Instead of sticking it out, like you are meant to, I saved my family, and my self-esteem and am now on a path to fulfilment with goals and a clear ambition ahead of me.
Life is pretty good.
The decisions aren’t always easy. But sometimes the hardest decisions are easier than you think and are truly life-changing.
Life is a choice. Every single day. What may seem like small decisions at the time, compound and become a part of the new you. The long-term effect can have remarkable results.
I’m living proof of that. I’m not sitting here writing this as a seven-figure entrepreneur either. I’m just a normal, middle-class citizen who went through some crappy years and came out the other side.
If I can make something of myself and look at myself in the mirror every day and know I’m doing ok, I know you can too.
Now it’s your turn.
What changes have you made to your life that can benefit others? Let me know in the comments.
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Hey Marc,
I just discovered your blog and I just want to say I really like the whole vibe of it and your story. I’ve been living and working overseas (Asia) for over 20 years and have just this last couple of weeks decided to start a blog (yeah, I know everyone has a blog these days) I’d appreciate any advice that you can offer. I’m mainly focusing on the life of an international teacher (Bangkok at the moment) and the things I’ve learnt, more so than it being just about my travels as they arent nearly as exciting as yours. Regardless of if anyone ever sees it or not, I’m already enjoying the process.
Anyway, keep up the great work and safe travels.